Marriage, Or Is It?

I know that this whole living together before marriage is suppose to be a good idea. Please don't think that I'm about to come across as preachy or one sided. I have had several friends try this and when I came to Trinity I had three different couples that were trying co-habitation. One couple is no more, one couple are still in the co-habitation period and the other one I married February 10 2007. Is it Biblically wrong? Yes, but based on what the Bible says in James 2:8-13,

8If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing right.

9But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.

10For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.

11For he who said, "Do not commit adultery," also said, "Do not murder." If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.

12Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom,

13because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!
Or as the Message puts it:

8-11You do well when you complete the Royal Rule of the Scriptures: "Love others as you love yourself." But if you play up to these so-called important people, you go against the Rule and stand convicted by it. You can't pick and choose in these things, specializing in keeping one or two things in God's law and ignoring others. The same God who said, "Don't commit adultery," also said, "Don't murder." If you don't commit adultery but go ahead and murder, do you think your non-adultery will cancel out your murder? No, you're a murderer, period.

12-13Talk and act like a person expecting to be judged by the Rule that sets us free. For if you refuse to act kindly, you can hardly expect to be treated kindly. Kind mercy wins over harsh judgment every time.

So we see that this is the same as any other sin. So please don't think that I'm just picking and choosing that which we will look at. This is a problem and we must look at where it is leading. As I mentioned before, when I came to Trinity I had three couples that were experimenting with the whole co-habitation theory. One couple said that they wanted to see if it would work for when they got married. This is a popular line of thinking for those who try this, but what do the statistics say about this?
"Living together before marriage actually increases the chances of divorce in a first marriage--67 percent of co-habitating couples who marry eventually divorce, compared to 45 percent of all first marriages." By, Mike and Harriet McManus in their book, Living Together: Myths, Risks and Answers.

That is 22% higher of a risk for those who co-habitate before marriage. Now I know that some of you who read this blog are in that category of the co-habitating area, I am not saying that you are bad or anything of the sort. As I said I married a couple a little over a year ago and they are still going strong. So what is the difference?

Remember your parents old advice? If you give the milk away for free, why buy the cow? Well that is a good part if the equation. Why would someone make something permanent that they get so easy now? Or looked at in another way; women think that they are auditioning for the position and the men just like the free sex. Sorry to be so blunt but these are real issues.

As the scripture in James mentioned earlier one sin is just like the other, it is when we humans place levels on sins that confuses things. I'm not trying to pick out a few sins and write about those I just came across an article written by the McManus's and thought it was good information.

So are the reason's above the only reasons that someone would co-habitate? Nope, as the article continues it shows us that when a couple live together first that when they enter marriage they see it as still temporal, but when a couple wait to live together until they get married they are more likely to believe in its permanency.

So if we don't follow these thing mentioned above we will be all right? Nope, that isn't the case either. Most people getting married today come from some kind of dysfunctional family. I mean my family put the fun in dysfunctional. So what is the answer then? Well, couple in the church should mentor those younger couples looking to get married. They should let them know what the Bible says about marriage and how they made it work for all those many years.

There will be more in following posts about the Biblical view of marriage.